i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
