I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
