You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
