Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
