My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
