her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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