i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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