Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
