Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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