i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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