you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
