1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
