Moan for me like Helen Keller
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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