I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
