just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
