if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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