The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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