is your mom at the bar?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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