He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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