capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
