you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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