I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
