This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
