we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
