I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize