I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize