if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
