Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
