Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
