In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
