Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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