Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
