I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
