ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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