If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
