So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I got inside last night via doggy door
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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