lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
