seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
