didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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