You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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