Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
