I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
