apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
