Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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