She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
