wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
