if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
