We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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