You made me cry and you don't even care
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
