Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
