I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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