she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
