you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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