After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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