hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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