YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
