my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
