he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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