they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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