If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
