A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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