positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
