Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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