So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
