Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
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