I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
