bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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