My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
