oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
