i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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