He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
