It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
