Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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