It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Bring me that man meat
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
