when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
