I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
