sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
