I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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