The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize