You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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