I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
