we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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