Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
