whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
