The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Come see our sink grown plant.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
