Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
