I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
