remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
