Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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