i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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