Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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