did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
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