Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
