Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
