Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
