Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize