Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
