I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
