"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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