definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
