Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
