Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
