Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
