he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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